I am realizing how the universe is slowly making love to me.
Ushering me with the tenderest kisses, covering me in its presence and staying in my nearness making sure my eyes are fixed on theirs while it slowly arouses me dripping little drops of pleasure all over my body. I also realize I have been screaming "Give it to me NOW!!! ALL OF IT!!" While my courtesan lectures have been in full flow in spite of me hardly noticing.
I fully realize how slow, embodied, tender and powerfully aware lovemaking is how my body and soul wants it, while my mind and fears are screaming faster, faster!!
I feel pangs of sadness for missing divine drops of honey shimmering on my skin. Jewels dropped by my bedside. The tenderest love-notes left under my pillow and for not savoring my body being fully anointed in longing, lust and perfumed oils.
I acknowledge how the slow arousing of my senses, the unavoidable building of my lust, the gradual heating of my blood and sensuous awakening of my body is infinitely more exciting than a few throbs of ecstasy!
And I know that my lover, the Universe, has been waiting for me to come around, to understand the intricate skill and pleasure of surrendering to the now, while I was stressing, pushing and fearing that it would never happen. That there wasn't enough for me. That the gentle strokes and kisses wouldn't lead to any real fulfillment!
But I was starving myself in not receiving it all.
By not touching, holding and tasting every intimate gift I was given. My eyes were unseeingly fixed on the horizon while my lover patiently held me and wanted nothing more than to lavish me with more. More of my hearts desire, more of everything I longed for.
But such is love that it didn't give me what I begged for; only what I longed for.
That it waited patiently for me to stop, take it all in and languidly , gradually come to my senses. Because even if I was in a frenzy of rushing to the goal, the Universe wasn't. It was taking in every golden, luscious moment of my awakening, of my maturing understanding and throbbing longing.
So it took me a while.
But at least I know I was seen, savored and acutely watched over by my lover. And that by its perfect adoration, I could learn it too. And that it's never over, never enough and that every ending is a new beginning. That love is a spiral we dance again and again.
Thank you, my beautiful lover, for being so perfectly, acutely what my soul wanted. And for having your way with me every tender and passionate step of the way.
In perfectly imperfect adoration
PS. Did I not mention that this was about abundance? In every aspect? <3