If you haven't read Part one, start here.
So. I have lived a previous life as a nun.
That explains so many things.
I have lived in France - in Provence, actually - and both my mother and father from that previous life, I recognized from close relationships in my present life. This explained even more to me. I was still shaking and crying as more memories appeared. This was my first experience of previous lives I have ever had - and even if I had wanted to continue not believing in re-incarnation, this experience made it impossible. It was such a compelling experience that there was no way I could question this experience and what I had seen.
I called my husband as I moved over to the sofa and switched off the web-cast. As he held me, I cried time after time in a child-like voice; "Why don't you look at me, dad, why don't you look at me?" The pain of seeing my dad - even though I had no feeling of him ever loving me - disappearing down the dusty road for the last time, was so overwhelming. I just wanted him to turn back and look at me. I just wanted him to see me for the last time. Just see me, dad! I'm begging you! Just one time! Even abuse and rage was better than this. Everything was better than being ignored. And everything was better than being abandoned. Orphaned.
Phew. Even now as I'm writing about it after a good few years, it is very emotional for me. In a way I am still that little girl being abandoned - being crushed for life, by the one person that should protect me. Being torn away from the love of my life (my mom) - from my home and my security, yes, my whole life as it were. But as emotional, draining and overwhelming as it was at the time, I learnt and saw one thing that made it all worth it; We all do it for love.
Let me explain
I saw that those two people I am having what you could call a karmic relationship with in this life, had been my mother and father in that previous life, and that in fact, they had followed me into this life because they loved me and didn't want to abandon me again. Their souls were intimately connected with mine, and we had agreed to re-incarnate in this life together because of love.
It was not only a relief when I saw it,
it was one of the hugest realizations and manifestations of love I had ever experienced.
I felt so completely supported, loved and seen. Because just as horrific and cruel as that experience had been in my previous life, in a way it showed me that the love behind it was even grander. I don't even know if that makes sense to you, but I know it does for me.
We are all connected
and our lives here on earth are planned out to discover love in increasing and even fuller and deeper ways by experiencing opposites and polarities. Sometimes, the only way we can fully realize love, is by experiencing the opposite. This is the paradox of our 3D earth-life. It makes no sense, and completely sense at the same time.
We are living in a world woven by polarities, and more often than not, sadly sometimes only in the very long perspective, certain complex experiences will make sense to us! This experience and re-living a situation in an earlier life, was explaining to me what had caused my deep wound. But the one thing that I do know - and that this episode cemented in me - is that everything we ever encounter is for love.
Even the darkest, most painful ones.
And that goes for relationships too.
PS. I just want to clarify that I never ever mean to encourage or condone people treating each other badly or even accepting being treated badly. If you are in a painful, abusive or even submissive relationship, you are meant to get out, not to suffer it! Love is not painful, dark or abusive. Our fear creates that - not love.