Now I hunt joy.
I'm a bliss-hunter, a dream-hunter, a catcher of all things that expand my universe and that love pours into my lap.
I used to be afraid.
I used to meet fear with my sword drawn and wobbling knees, thinking it was my enemy.
Now I look fear into its eyes, and realize it just wants to be heard, loved. And I pour all my love onto it and see it morph into my guardian angel. Into my greatest strength. Into timing, co-operation and connection.
I used to try to forget my dream.
Now I realize it's all here for me in this now. I let it fill my heart and push me into its world of brilliance and beauty. I let it tug at my heartstrings and change me into its own being, a being of courage, power and beauty. I let the love and longing of my dream manifest through me, freely letting it be, flow and synthesize all the pieces of discernment, wisdom and beauty that I have collected in my heart.
I used to think life was a serious matter of life and death.
Now I realize I am a cork floating on the eternal sea, being carried by its very nature, never even having the possibility to sink as I let the waves of the infinite carry me. I realize that instead of paddling for my life with back-bound arms, I can float downstream and enjoy the view. I can feel the water against my skin, I can relish in my vibrant body. I can let the sun energize me, I can exhale and know that life at its core is good, easy and that the odds are completely stacked in my favor.
My eyes used to see pain.
Now I see beauty. I see bliss. I see love everywhere and in everyone, knowing that we all do what we meant to do in this great co-creation called life. Called love. I know that nothing can conquer love, because everything is sprung from love and returns to love, just as inevitable as the tides of the sea, as the night turns to morning, as my heart beats in my own chest. I know it's all good. I know it's all going to be good. I know we are all OK and that we're all in this together.
I used to think I was my wound.
I kept looking for where I was wrong, and found it everywhere. Now I realize that the truth of me is far greater, brighter and amazing than I ever could comprehend.
I re-member who I am. I joyfully welcome back the knowledge of my Self, use the wisdom of what I have collected through my earth-journey, through my odyssey through cosmos and time.
I used to think time was my enemy.
Now I know that my roots run long and ancient through the history of earth, and I feel and recognize my entire journey. I know who I am, I know where I'm going. I am a soul of the infinite, and this body is my present longing to experience the physical made manifest. I know that we are all rays of the divine – matters of the same mind – passions from the same love that started worlds and expands through eternity.
I see love.
I see my greatest dreams and hopes blossoming around me like almond-flowers ripening into plump and indulgent fruits. I look around me and see more and more people being drawn into my world where we connect from our hearts, where I am loved deeply and I love freely. My heart-people are creating and connecting to the grid that creates worlds, that continuously expand, shift and draw more and more people into its thing of beauty.
In this time, in this space, every thread, thought, passion, longing, light and creative power converges into this now, as I look around me and see what is manifest around me; This beautiful home filled with love, laughter and little activities that ground and center me. Doing the dishes. Cooking potatoes. Roasting chicken. Waking my tired, softly snoring son in the morning and joining him to school on my bike. Sitting with my daughter in the evenings watching romantic comedies just to see her light up and laugh while she dreams new dreams about her own life. Leaning into the arm nook of my lover as his steady faithfulness fills the four corners of the house. Watching Bing Bang Theory and listening to Abraham. Crying with one, laughing at the other.
Drying up mud from the floor when my son eagerly runs into the house to get another toy to play with his friends. Putting on mascara in front of the mirror before enjoying a night in a restaurant drinking cheap wine and great food with family and friends. Locking myself into a freezing car to go somewhere unimportant. Lying on the beach and breathing in the salty tanginess of the sea-winds. Drying tears of happiness as I connect with my highest passions. As I experience synchronicities of words at right time, music at right places, loving hearts with perfect touches. This life. This love. This perfectly imperfect life of mine.
And yet there are dreams that still call me. More life to live that still beckons me and fills me up with longing and passion. More countries to travel. More co-creations to hatch, shape and love into being. More people to love. The head-over-heels burst of complete recognition and total adoration. You in me, me in you! The melting together, the crushing, the reuniting of souls temporarily separated. Relationships with people that love me unconditionally eternally and passionately. Reflecting back to me the truth about my worthiness and luminosity. Holding me to my commitment to steady growth and devotion. Holding me on my path of joy, and making me remember my heritage and reason for living every single day.
And then one day, sitting in my bed creating a sacred circle of light reaching a high of consciousness as I in one split second realize that every single human being is me, every journey that you go through, is mine, every feeling that ever existed, every thought that was ever wrought, was through me, for me and with me. We are one circle, one unending, incomplete and ever expanding infinitely circling entity. And I know, see and feel with every fiber in my being that everything is sorely good, perfect and completely as we dreamt it to be.
We did good, you and I.
Yes we did.