I saw this title on a tv-show today, and I felt a pang of sorrow for our ravaged "best years" - those 10 past years that should have been the best in our lives.
We were crushed with despair of losing 4 of our children.
We lost our successful state-of-the-art business as a consequence of that process.
We have been devastatingly poor; many times on the verge of losing our home.
We have been cripplingly depressed and burnt out.
Both of us.
At the same time.
And last but not least - we discovered in our hour of need that the religion we had put all our faith, trust, time AND money in, was in no way capable of offering any kind of solace, explanation or cure for what life hit us with.
All this....and more, at the same time as celebrating our new-found love and excitedly bringing our children together and starting a new family.
The end of longing and loneliness.
The creating of a home.
At the best time in our lives.
What should have been
And when that sorrow hit me from the devastation of all those painful years behind us - my first thought was :
"Did we do something wrong? Could we have tried harder? Loved more? Forgiven easier? Cried lighter? Let more stuff go? Believed harder? Laughed more?"
In a way - did we MAKE this time harder than it had to be?
And then I read the shortened list above and I think - Line, what would you have said to a friend that had experienced those bereavements? Would you have told her; "Well, cheer up, buddy! You need to learn to let go, stay positive and laugh a bit more!"
And no, I wouldn't. I would have cried with her. Put my hand on her back and felt her loss in my heart.
And felt blessed and slightly guilty that it wasn't me.
But the thing is.
I still am unsure.
Unsure if the havoc of our wasted years was our own fault.
MY own fault.
And looking back I know I am not the same now. I am better. I am better off for having been through that fiery furnace.
And I am thankful
Yes I am!
Because everything turned out the way it was supposed to.
But that pang of sorrow when hearing how those years COULD have been like - and IS for many people - is still there.
So I just have to believe and make our next 10 years just like that.
The best years of our lives.