The Epic Homecoming
Holding space for all of me
About 10 years ago I started healing myself from crippling depression, exhaustion and anxiety, slowly returning to a conscious life of deep self-knowing, divine connection and complete grounding. This is a state I call being a "True Woman - True Goddess". Because in my opinion we can't be fulfilled and truly joyful embracing just one of our polarities; we need both.
I truly believe that healing myself was both as simple and "impossible" as calling home all those parts of myself that I was taught were dark or sinful. This was not an overnight process, but a process that once started, gave immediate relief. I simply gave up the belief that I needed the saving from someone else, to be healed or safe. I also embraced the fact that nature was my mother, anchor and ally, and that Love lies inherent in everything.
I healed myself with the moon, flowers and sacred circles.
Because as I started creating oil blends from essential oils, crystals and botanicals infusing them under the moon and blessing them in sacred circles (the oil-line I now call the Infinite oils), I started gradually and powerfully connecting with the earth and coming back to my body and my Self again. At first even sitting down connecting to my Self / Soul was painful and deeply unsettling. But actually DOING rituals ie. keeping my mind and body occupied with different sacred items and a program, somehow made it DOABLE at all, as my need for beauty and meaning was fulfilled and overrode the anxiety and pain of being still and present in the now (an anxious mind is always racing, always either in the past or the future).
As I listened to the promptings of my Soul and most important of all; Just kept being patient holding space for ALL that I was - the depressed, the hopeless, the anguished, the self-loathing, the angry - I started feeling more and more trust in myself and in life again. I created small pockets of brightness, of air and relief in my life. I annointed myself with my sacred oils and invoked the help of the elementals and their medicine; getting to know them as vibrant facets of love. And gradually I received the TRUTH in my body about my self and life:
The truth is that everything is WELL
Even when my emotions and body scream that I am destroyed and that nothing ever can make up for what I feel inside and that everything is too late.
The truth is that I am completely loveable and perfect just as I am.
The truth is that love is the beginning and end of the multiverse and that NOTHING can or do exist outside it.
We just don't always know or feel it.
The truth is that struggle, drama and pain is mind-made fear and that the solution and anti-dote always is love, conpassion and patience.
And our very resilient and divine nature, as soon as we choose to let go, make us float up like a cork in water.
The truth is that I chose my life and this path for a good reason, and that nothing ever is too late.
And the truth set me free.
But love healed me.
Today, all of me loves all of me
And I discovered worlds and galaxies inside that both made me solid and whole but whose beauty also took my breath away. The power and authority that I too eagerly had given away my whole life, I took back. Because I finally knew deep inside that I was enough.
I, myself, was all that which I so desperately had searched for through millennia.
It was such an epic home-coming.
And I say those words from my deepest wounds healed and blossoming; It was worth it, and my heart sings in gratefulness for the path I chose.
And I know that if you read this with an aching heart or desperate denial in your mind, it is not only possible, but I am in fact telling you that an epic home-coming in bliss and deep Self-love is what is waiting for you too.
The medicine that I conjured for myself is what I am sharing
These are the magical golden feathers from my rising Phoenix.
To hold space for you where you can breathe in peace and beauty and where Love continually creates miracles.
To share the plant-medicine that I conjured for myself for my own transformation and healing.
This is my path, and this is what my Soul loves doing.
This too, perhaps, is where you and I meet and walk for a while on the same road.